Auntie Larkspur

Auntie Larkspur sat down on a stump, pulled out her false teeth, ripped off her hose, and
solemnly vowed to think things over.

“Loon Lake is more beautiful than this,” she thought solemnly.

“Loon Lake is a million times prettier than you are!” she shouted to the surrounding hills. “Crummy hills!”

“Crummy old lady,” parodied the surrounding hills.

“I’m off to Loon Lake,” she announced, “to revel in its sublime beauty.”

With a disjunct motion she popped in her false teeth, pulled up her hose, packed her drawers in a carpetbag, set fire to the cabin, and went to Loon Lake. Auntie Larkspur was nothing if not decisive, and she believed decisive action must accompany decisive thought.

“Ah,” she reveled in the sublime beauty of Loon Lake, “now we’re getting somewhere. This here’s the cat’s meow. I’m glad I came. There’s nothing like decisive action to accompany decisive thought. Think I’ll just pull out these teeth.”

Decisively she jerked out the false teeth and threw them into Loon Lake.

“There,” she gummed. “That’ll keep ‘em quiet.”

“Now why did you go and do a fool thing like that?” questioned Uncle Mack, who had sneaked up on her from behind some trees.

“You’re the dentist,” she said. “You tell me.”

That put Uncle Mack on the defensive. “I must think what Oscar Wilde might say, “he thought, and ran back into the trees to work out a memorable reply. The next day he ran back out.

“Sure is pretty here, though,” he argued.

“One might think so, if it weren’t already,” said Auntie Larkspur, which reminded her of little Ned.

“I sure miss that little feller,” Uncle Mack argued.

“Nature’s philosophy brought Ned low,” she persisted.

No, t’was never nature’s philosophy brought Neddie low,” he agreed, “but time’s unending wile. Oh Ned, poor Ned-—.”

“Nature, I say.”

“Time alone.”

“S’me!” argued little Ned, sprung full-blown upon the scene as had Athena from the head of Zeus, heavily armored and ready for what might come.

“Well, so what?” agreed Auntie Larkspur. “Whatever else happens from here on out won’t surprise me much.”

“Me neither,” argued Uncle Mack.

“Same here,” argued little Ned, being new to such proceedings and not wishing to give offense.