A Man Who Buys Gas

Yes, I am a man who buys gas. The kind of stand-up, confident fellow who grips the nozzle straightaway and forthrightly. I make no bones about it. I squeeze the handle firmly. I do not flinch at the pump’s antics, like when it says “printing receipt” but no paper comes out, or flashes “please see attendant.” I pump the gas, replace the nozzle, and drive away. That’s just the kind of man I am, and I make no apologies.
Sometimes a do forget the cap, but it doesn’t matter. I can get another cap. The important thing is to be the right sort of fellow, the sort who has “the right stuff” as they say. So if you’re looking for that kind of man, you’ve come to the right place.